Matthew Temple

of Things Said in Dreams
Dead Girls
and more..

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Little Baby Faulkner


My girlfriend Sashi used to hate it when film crews used her neighborhood to film. She hated it because her neighborhood was quiet—and then come all these film people noising it up, blocking roads, leaving colored tape everywhere. But mostly she hated that she was the insider, and they were the outsiders, and shooting a film was their pass to become tourist in her neighborhood, where she was a native.

Also: Sashi went to film school. And somehow that figured into her hatred of film crews.

I went to film school too. Sashi’s was in New York. Mine was in LA. She studied lighting. She liked to be on crew. I studied directing. If I never pick up another light or calculate line voltages in my head it will be too soon. I think Sashi held it against me that I liked the heady work while she preferred the grunt work. Sashi was smart enough to direct. To write. She considered it...

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Seen from a distance

Those rare moments when you see yourself from a distance, outside your own ego, and you are amazed.

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Feeling cool like water, cold like ice

I mean I have a cleanliness, an invigoration, brought to me by recent talks with luck! No luck at all. And my immediate family has expressed their disinterest in continuing contact with me, paused in place when I insert a question like, “If I got married, would you come?” or “If I had children, would you play with them?” That brings silence and a change of direction, ‘cause they’re not considering me their equal in terms of the compromising position I would be in if I got married or had children. I stopped short of telling them I am married to my GF—we share rings—is that good enough for you? I wanted to illustrate to them that they wouldn’t be able to show me the support I have shown them. I hope their negative reactions to such suggestions gets under their skin and into their minds—it seems to have. I’m not treated with the same respect as my little sister, by my...

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Feeling better now

I wrote my mom, sister, and dad saying a nice thing in each case. Mom wrote back repeating her refrain that she loves me and apologizes for anything she might have done, specifically avoiding responding to the complaint I have (that she holds her brother higher than me even while her brother attacks me). Amy wrote back defending herself for not communicating for a couple years, saying she was following my lead. Dad didn’t respond at all.

This is all fine.

I don’t expect we’ll be able to fix these relationships in my lifetime. The problems are deeper. My mom and sister seem content to let them dangle. I’m not wanting to review the last two years of progress I’ve made here on my own. I wish my family well but I see the same signs as always: people playing social games, they’ve got to bathe their loyalties to those close to them and not actively involve me in their lives. I feel...

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I’m less mad now

I was still mad before. I processed it. I sent three short, totally positive notes to members of my family—things where I thought of them well.

I’m not waiting for a response. I’m not testing them. I did it for my own purposes, and I’m not going to respond to their responses or anything like that. I’m continuing my work, not being tripped up by anything they might say. I’m not being drug back into family drama.

That’s a whole lot of I statements. I guess that’s where I am right now.

And I’m plagued with thoughts of oh my gosh what did I just do.

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Camera one. Camera two. (outline)

These are the notes for a book called *Camera one. Camera two.“ that I may write in 2020.

book for all ages!!
Dickinson-style title
The Jameson beach day
Santa clause beach
Drinking in the car on the way
Ordering 2 Double Wendy’s burgers
Setting the bottle in the sand
Mike seeing my testicle
Smoking pot by the railroad tracks
Me seeing my camera one camera two play with the beach with the ocean
Feeling it would be ok to die if indies right here
Fixed punctuation: the period.

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Little Baby Faulkner (outline)

These are the notes for a book I may write starting in January 2020.

Call it “Faulkner” the name of the baby the CrRo character drowns. My character tries to explain where Faulkner comes from and CrRo says she knows.
Call her Roberts.
party weekend
The dogs get out and since we’re high what could be an easy round up takes an hour
Me driving Roberts car to take Rambuncto home after Roberts tries after we all tell her she shouldn’t drive and the slow, scary drive to take dude home
film school tourist goes back to Ohio for a weekend
The coke bath I retreated to with company in house
Snorting, all, throughout the night (Friday or Saturday)
Be clear in which nights we were there..4? Which ones?
The way Roberts clings instantly to a tarot reader she trusts her instantly when she distrusts her own mom about the flavor of Ramen her mom used when she made Roberts soup.
Roberts is getting...

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I’m still mad

Still hurt. Still don’t understand. I stopped calling my mom, my sister, and years before that my dad. All I got after that was two texts, one from each of my mom and my sister, on my birthday a couple years ago. That was their last attempt at contact. Amy seems to think we will be fine in the long term. Mom doesn’t seem to realize that she is accountable to me in my complaints of her and her family. I can’t relate to anyone part of a family where she doesn’t even/ever have contact with her brother. How can I relate to either one when they don’t themselves relate? How can I go on family retreats? Speak with one without feeling that absence of the other? There is no way.

I know my mom is using what she learned from her family systems book that teaches that you are always in relationship between yourself and every other single person, never relating to a polygon of people. I...

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Things Said in Dreams—Remaining error?

I received the current version of Things Said in Dreams from Bryan Borland at Sibling Rivalry Press. Bryan and I edited this book together. When I unpublished my book with Sibling Rivalry, Bryan game me the latest version. I asked if the latest version had the latest set of changes, specifically the last change we made, discovered by my uncle Bob, which had something to do with a favorite or a limit somewhere in the book. I don’t have the change request as I deleted the email account I used to request it. So if you happen to run into a logical error involving three people within the book, please contact Bryan or look into getting the change request from his email or get another version from his possession. Bryan told me he usually is very accurate and complete about this sort of thing (and I certainly believe that to be the case). But the copy he gave me of the book was a...

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Community version of Clarity;)

What if you could change anything you wanted in my book? With the “Edit community version” link on my book Clarity;) you can! Go there and click the edit link and make any changes you like!

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